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Crystal balls and unmatching clones

 

I have never told this to any one what I am going to reveal now. I have the ability to see the future in advance. I don’t really care whether you believe me or not, but now this that every vision I have had so far has come true. Initially this ability extended to trivial and more personal things. Like for example I knew before hand that I would flunk my business practices paper. It helped of course that I didn’t write anything in it. Or for instance I saw my break up with my girlfriend, which I was determined to prove wrong. But the very next time I saw her in that hideous brown top and a newly sprouted pimple at the tip of her nose I couldn’t do much but to let the prophecy come true (that’s my only idiosyncrasy for this article I promise).

       

Infact I was given this ability in my previous incarnation on planet earth by an Indian goddess Kali(whom Tina Turner is playing in her Indian movie venture).Having pleased her with my undying devotion she said," go from today you will predict futures in this and all your future lives. You will be more well known than Nostradamus even”. Unfortunately my life lasted only couple more months in that incarnation .But even during that period I predicted the fall of the Roman Empire . And here I am now in a new body having realized my previous life and the blessings that it has created in this.

All I need to do is to close my eyes and imagine fountains of coca cola (ok one last idiosyncrasy no more after this) and images begin to appear as if a movie projector is placed behind my eyebrows, making an awful humming noise as it projects images on to my mental screen.

About a month before the war on Iraq I had this vision of Bush asking Blair to fetch grenade and missiles as he tossed them into Iraq. Go boy go. Good boy fetch. Now we all know that came true, subject of course to interpretation .Another of my successful premonitions came with a vision of Britney and Madonna tied at their tongues floating in outer space. A little vivid but not untrue is it???

Now I guess I have given you some proof of my fabulous ability to see the future I can move onto making predictions and forewarn you about future events and calamities.

Just the other night as I lay in the bed trying to sleep a horrifying disturbing sequence of images flooded my mind. With a deep-seated intuition telling me that all of it is true. I saw our Pam(Anderson!!!)having her silicones removed. After lobbying for PETA someone it seems managed to convince her to join SPITA(Society for Preventation of Implanted Tits and Ass)

 

Right after this I saw another vision(sometimes I get more than one visions at a time).There was Osama and Saddam in a tag team WWE match against George Bush and Pervez Mussharf. Osama had Pervez pinned down when Tony Blair out of no where came rushing into the ring in that typical WWE fake predictable style and bashed him on his head. A flash of light left this vision incomplete and I had to open my eyes.

Just last week I saw the first human clone being born a clone of Michael Jackson. Interestingly though it was born white…?????

I might as well share this one last prophecy. I know by now you must really be thirsting for more. It can get addictive I understand. According to my vision you can expect another film from Manoj Night Shyamalan within about 2 months time. It will be about unbreakable dead aliens with Woody Allen in the title role.

So it’s time once again to take your leave one more crazy article later.Tood Looo ..Ta Ta …Bye Bye.I move on to another article while you wait for my prophecies to come true. And by the way I knew bout Beckham and Loo(s) much earlier when I saw Beckham kissing his toilet door very passionately.



--Sid--

 


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